bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We had sex on a dog bed..
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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