lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
