i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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