I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
