ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
is that a dick in a sweater?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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