he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Come share oat with me in your robe
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
