I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
