I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
