HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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