Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
