THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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