dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
