I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
