we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This is my life. Enjoy the view
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
