I want you more than these girls want KFC
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
