got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
