Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
