Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
