I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
