You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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