I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
how can u be prego again
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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