this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
operation have a gay friend backfired
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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