Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
