I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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