i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
