she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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