dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
