You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
