so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
