did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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