she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
