Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
