Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Houston, we have a squirter
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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