Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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