its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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