Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
