Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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