Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
