Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
