i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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