sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
