O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Randomize
