Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
