she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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