The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
