I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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