he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
