If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
