How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Houston, we have a blender
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
