My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
