i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
