even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
