if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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